"TRAGEDY"

On March 7 2009, our tragedy strucked which caused the beginning for our relationship to go down spiral. We committed a crime that I regret of doing because it destroyed our relationship and I lost Marinel in my life. I am really stupid for getting Marinel involve, and I am really done with committing crimes, because I cannot afford to loose someone again or to get someone in trouble again.....

When Marinel got detain and I was able to escape, I was so mad at myself and I felt so sorry for Marinel and I was really really really stressed out. This is the first time that this happened to me and It tortured my mind, because Marinel had to suffer. At first I wanted to surrender myself, but If I surrender, who would raise the money for us to bail us, and who would send us money to help us get through each day????? I was already devastated for our situation and for being apart from Marinel. I did not know what to do at first, but I came to realized that I had to focus and try to find help. I then began to reach out to people I know and to some of my relatives to beg for money so I could raise the money I needed to bail out Marinel and to compensate our victim who almost died, because I shot him five times. I really regret everything and I came to realized that I was wrong and because I was facing the consequences.

I cried every day and night, I did a lot of thinking and I did a lot of traveling, I could hardly sleep and I could hardly eat worrying about Marinel. I went to Quiapo church, Baclaran church and Santa Clara church begging to forgive me for my sin and help me find help for Marinel. I did not care for myself, because I only care for Marinel. It was my obligation to save Marinel that is why I did not care if I had to kneel down and cry in front people asking for help for Marinel. I continued to travel every day to reach out to people even If I had to travel far. I even tried to sell my land that I inherited from my dad as soon as possible, but I had problems on doing so because there are a lot of things that needed to be fix with my land involving paper works before I could sell it or mortgage my property.

I was having a hard time raising the money and Marinel got mad and she began to loose hope on me. She thought that I was doing nothing to help her get released and that I abandoned her. The cops brained wash her to turn her back on me and she began to treat me like shit and she curse at me and told me to stay away from her and told me that she has a new boyfriend. It broke my heart so much to hear a lot of things from Marinel which tortured my mind so much and I wanted to just kill myself for what had happened to our relationship. I decided to just forced myself to just accept the facts and bare with her because she would not be in that situation if it wasn't for me. I could not forgive myself and I kept blaming myself, so I continued to find help before Marinel completely turn her back on me.

People suggested that I should just forget about Marinel and save myself and leave the country. But, I did not listen to anyone, because I love Marinel with all my heart and I could not even bare of turning my back on her and leave her hanging. I don't care If I had to risk my life just to save Marinel, because I am ready to die just for Marinel if I have to. For me my life is worthless without Marinel and I don't care for anything except to get Marinel back into my arms. If god will blessed me and send Marinel back into my arms, I will be the most happiest person on earth and I will thank God for answering my prayer. I just hope that Marinel is really my destiny.......

"TAXI DRIVER"

"FLASHBACK" (continuation part 5)

After our tragedy in Los Angeles, we went back to the Philippines to lay low and because I had shipped two of my cars to sell in the Philippines, but I got ripped off by my business associate broker, by stealing my other car and I never heard from him again or recovered my car, because he fled back to California. Eventually I tried the life here in the Philippines for two years, but I was not able to adopt with my situation because I did not like the life here in the Philippines back then, and because I grew up from California I was having a problem with the culture here in the Philippines. Then I decided to go back to California with my daughter and wife who were pregnant with my other daughter, because our life was not going anywhere but downward spiral and we wanted our daughter to be born in the United States to become American citizen, and because I was never close with my mom anyway. We lived a simple life in San Jose California and I was working as a blue collar job at Silicon Valley, and our life was normal and relaxed until my wife unfortunately had a problem with her status. Then I began to goof around again to find a way to make a lot of money to prepare for our new life in the Philippines once more, because I did not want to be separated from my family and because life here in the Philippines is hard financially if a person does not have a career or experienced working in the Philippines. Yes, I was making a lot of money by goofing around and I had bought a lot of things for our new life we were preparing for the Philippines, unfortunately I mess up by mistake and eventually lost everything that I had, and I was so devastated and I did not know what to do any more except face the facts and just learn from my mistakes. I had suffered a lot but I had no choice but to make myself a better person and to just catch up on things eventually. I was so depressed and never forgave myself because of the life that I had chosen, and I had hurt my wife’s feelings and reputation because she was so embarrass of who I am. That is why I made myself change my ways for good for the sake of my family, because of all the mistakes that I had made in the past.

After a few years living with my daughters mom our relationship fade away. We did nothing but argue all the time. I was always being put down by Edith with everything I want to accomplish in life. I would always have a hard time trying to convinced her to give me some money for business, and our relationship turned sorrow and I had enough of our arguing and being put down all the time and I had no choice but to leave her and my two daughters to find myself......

I continued my journey to find my new life, and I struggled but never gave up. My mom turned her back on me and my daughter's mom moved on with her own life with her big unselfish pride...... Since my daughter's mom treated me like a piece of shit I eventually lost my love and respect for her. I eventually moved on with my new life.......