This photo was taken while I was thinking and being depressed. I’m so pathetic, because I’m in this situation, trying to make a point to my mom. I sacrifice myself just to try to put my moms head straight. I’m only a son trying so hard to do what is best for a mom.
If I did not confronted my mom, I would have a home with a bed, 3 meals a day, a maid, and all the necessities I need, but instead, I chose to go the other way just to make a point to my mom. I don’t know what will happen and I don’t know how long that I would be in this situation, because my mom is very stubborn and has a pride. Even though my mom did not raise me and I was deprived of love, I would still do what is best for her as a son would do for his mom. I don’t know why after she showed me her less affection for me, I’m still chasing her around for unconditional love. I guess maybe because I grew up without a mom, that is why I’m still searching for the missing part in my life. “THE LOVE THAT A MOTHER COULD GIVE TO A CHILD” that I’m hoping.
2 comments:
Sometimes people do things such as turn to vices when affected by emotional trauma. In your mom's case I think she knows and is very aware of her past and present faults. Gambling is probably just a form of escape for her. She loves you as a son but just probably doesn't know how to express it. She has to resolve a lot of personal issues first. Hang in there who knows she might read your blog someday. more power!
Yes, you are absolutely right Arch. She's using gambling as her escape goat, but not because she has experience trauma. She has been gambling before and after my brother died. So she can't use my brothers death as an excuse for her gambling. In regards to her past, she has learned how to gamble since the year 2005 only, and learning how to gamble was way after her problems in the past. I was just wondering, when my brother was alive I've seen how much she really care and love my brother compared to the love that I have received from her. Even some of our relatives on her side has seen and know the difference. Just because I did not grew up living by her side, It doesn't mean that I should be deprived of love. She has forgotten my birthday twice(2006 and 2007) and stayed away from us( my family ) twice on Christmas day and New Years on 2006 and 2007, and she did not bother to have me picked up from the airport,when I came back here in the Philippines from the United States on 2002, after being away from her for 8 years. When I was still with my wife, she would only call me whenever she has a problem with my stepfather or sister inlaw. Other wise she would not bother to call me for anything or even check up on my family and I. In other words, she just doesn't care or believe in me, because I'm only a ghost chasing her all the time.
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