"THE TRUTH"

Marinel told me the truth that she never really loved me at all and that she only used me to lean on.... I was so mad and hurt to know the truth coming from her mouth... After what everything I had done for her and after I gave her all my love and took care of her she broke my heart again, again, again and again..... She will never find another guy like me who will love her so much and who would do anything for her..... She is so blind and airhead,because she wasted everything I did for her......

I accepted to be stupid to love her and didn't care what people said about her nor accepted their advices on turning my back on Marinel,because I loved her so much... Even whenever Marinel treated me like shit all the time, I was so stupid not to mind how she treats me..... She would always say PUTANG INA MO at me, but I would still not care at all, even when she treated me like a slave.....

People are right!!!!!!!!! I am the most stupid person on earth to tolerate everything about Marinel..... To tolerate her messing up on me face to face and to tolerate her bad attitude..... To tolerate her stinginess on her relatives, and to tolerate to spoil her all the time......

She is so mad at me to post my comment on my Blog and FS about my life with her, because people are learning all the things she had done to me and people who does not know her knows the truth about her now regarding her bad personality.... I know for a fact, that Marinel cannot handle for people to know the truth.....

"AKING HILING"

"ANGEL OF MINE"

This video was also published at Youtube titled BABY31......

"TRAGEDY"

On March 7 2009, our tragedy strucked which caused the beginning for our relationship to go down spiral. We committed a crime that I regret of doing because it destroyed our relationship and I lost Marinel in my life. I am really stupid for getting Marinel involve, and I am really done with committing crimes, because I cannot afford to loose someone again or to get someone in trouble again.....

When Marinel got detain and I was able to escape, I was so mad at myself and I felt so sorry for Marinel and I was really really really stressed out. This is the first time that this happened to me and It tortured my mind, because Marinel had to suffer. At first I wanted to surrender myself, but If I surrender, who would raise the money for us to bail us, and who would send us money to help us get through each day????? I was already devastated for our situation and for being apart from Marinel. I did not know what to do at first, but I came to realized that I had to focus and try to find help. I then began to reach out to people I know and to some of my relatives to beg for money so I could raise the money I needed to bail out Marinel and to compensate our victim who almost died, because I shot him five times. I really regret everything and I came to realized that I was wrong and because I was facing the consequences.

I cried every day and night, I did a lot of thinking and I did a lot of traveling, I could hardly sleep and I could hardly eat worrying about Marinel. I went to Quiapo church, Baclaran church and Santa Clara church begging to forgive me for my sin and help me find help for Marinel. I did not care for myself, because I only care for Marinel. It was my obligation to save Marinel that is why I did not care if I had to kneel down and cry in front people asking for help for Marinel. I continued to travel every day to reach out to people even If I had to travel far. I even tried to sell my land that I inherited from my dad as soon as possible, but I had problems on doing so because there are a lot of things that needed to be fix with my land involving paper works before I could sell it or mortgage my property.

I was having a hard time raising the money and Marinel got mad and she began to loose hope on me. She thought that I was doing nothing to help her get released and that I abandoned her. The cops brained wash her to turn her back on me and she began to treat me like shit and she curse at me and told me to stay away from her and told me that she has a new boyfriend. It broke my heart so much to hear a lot of things from Marinel which tortured my mind so much and I wanted to just kill myself for what had happened to our relationship. I decided to just forced myself to just accept the facts and bare with her because she would not be in that situation if it wasn't for me. I could not forgive myself and I kept blaming myself, so I continued to find help before Marinel completely turn her back on me.

People suggested that I should just forget about Marinel and save myself and leave the country. But, I did not listen to anyone, because I love Marinel with all my heart and I could not even bare of turning my back on her and leave her hanging. I don't care If I had to risk my life just to save Marinel, because I am ready to die just for Marinel if I have to. For me my life is worthless without Marinel and I don't care for anything except to get Marinel back into my arms. If god will blessed me and send Marinel back into my arms, I will be the most happiest person on earth and I will thank God for answering my prayer. I just hope that Marinel is really my destiny.......

"GANGSTER"

"MOVING ON"

People told me to move on and forget about Marinel... But how can I easily forget some one I love so much that I would rather die without her in my life??????? In a way, people are right, but just because Marinel broke my heart it doesn't mean that I have to move on and forget about her... What I can do is put myself on check so my mind would focus to do the right thing to try to fix everything, and then maybe I will win Marinel's heart again...

Marinel is now with a guy who I know she does not love him at all.... She just have no choice but to be with him for now to return a favor she owes him... I was so heart broken when she made that choice, but I understand her because it was for her freedom... I Know for a fact that somehow Marinel still has a little love for me, but she just won't admit that she still loves me... She is full of hatred and she is confused right now because of the tragedy that we experienced.....

That is why it is so hard for me to move on and forget about Marinel. I will be moving on to find a solution to our situation enable to try to win her heart and to make up for what had happend to us. I owe a lot to Marinel and I have to pay her back, because when I was stressed out about my mom, Marinel would always comfort me and she really showed me how much she really loved me. Despite of all the problems we had in our relationship, all those problem we had can be eliminated by our love for one another.

I can't move on without Marinel in my life, because I really love her so much and I can't convince my heart to find someone else instead. My heart is so stucked with Marinel, that even when I dated some one else or look at another girl, I only have Marinel on my mind. My mind always tells me, that girl is not Marinel and that girl is not like Marinel. That's why I will die loving Marinel for the rest of my life with or without her.

"PROMISES"

Marinel and I made promises to each other that we will love each other and honor one another for thicker or for poor, in sickness and in health till death do us part.... We planned to get married this March 2009, but due to a tragedy our dreams was lost, and it was my fault that I did not make sure not to get involve with anything that would destroy our dreams.....

On December 2008, I moved in with her at their house at Hagonoy Bulacan, because I cannot help myself when we are not together. Her family is poor and they can barely survive to put food on the table everyday… Her family accepted me and they loved me as their own blood… They did not care if I have money or not as long as I am nice to them and because they know that I love their daughter so much that I would rather die if I don’t have Marinel in my life.

Do you know the song “BEAUTIFUL IN MY EYES” by Jericho Rosales? That was my song for her and every time I hear that song it makes me cry but very happy because I have Marinel in my life. Marinel became my inspiration to live despite of all my problems with my mom. When I met Marinel, I had forgotten my problems with my mom, because Marinel always tells me that my mom is still my mom no matter what…. She does not believe that my mom does not love me at all. That is why she always tries to cheer me up whenever I remember my mom…. Marinel is very supportive, sweet, caring and she showed me how much she loves me despite of all the mistakes she made in our relationship…. No matter what she did to me and no matter how many times she hurt my feelings, I love her so much that I can always forgive her no matter what…….

If God can forgive a sinner so many times, even we human can do the same as long as we love that person….. That is how I can forgive Marinel unlimited, as long as she loves me and never leave me behind for another guy… Call me stupid or martyr, I would not care, because my heart tells me that I love Marinel with all my heart…..

Some people want to bash my head on a wall because of what I am doing to myself with Marinel. I know for a fact that Marinel will never ever find another guy like me who will love her so much, and who would be faithful to her, and who would just focus on her all the time.

Due to all the promises we made to each other, I will never give up on Marinel to win her back. Even if a person tells me not to do so, I will not stop, because I want to save Marinel from her past. I don’t want her to go back. I want her to move forward to have a better life. That is my "PROMISE".........

"HAPPY"

Marinel and I was so happy together all the time that I thought that our happiness would never end.... Marinel and I did everything together all the time and we were so attached with each other 24 hours a day.... We ate together, we slept together, we bath together, we cuddle together and I really took care of Marinel all the time......What ever she wants I gave it to her..... What ever she tells me to do, I did it for her.... I really spoiled Marinel so much that a lot of people told me not to do so.... I never listen nor care for anyone except Marinel, because I am so in love with her that my heart would be broken into pieces if I loose her...

I get crazy and paranoid if I know Marinel does not feel well and whenever she's in a bad mood.... I always try to find a way to satisfy her.... I even forgot to takecare of myself because I was always busy taking care of Marinel.... I was so protective on Marinel that I would get crazy whenever her ex boyfriends tries to get back with her and whenever a guy tries to hook up with her.... I can't blame Marinel, because she is so beautiful that a guy would always have interest to hook up with her....

I guess whatever I did to myself on how to deal with Marinel, it was my happiness.... I was happy to always takecare of Marinel, because it was my way on how to show how much I really love her... People told me that I was wrong, but I did not listen. But now? I came to realized that I should have never spoiled Marinel. I guess in a way they were right, because I came to realized that no matter how you takecare of some one you love, if he or she trully loves you that person would always be there for you no matter what, even if you don't spoil that person.... Taking care of some one you love usually will be worthless if that person you love does not really appreciate what you do for that person.....

"LIFE"

Hello everyone...... It's been a while since I posted anything on my blog.... When I started my blog, I was suppose to help my mom deal with her problem, but through the process of my blog I came to realized that I was also helping myself to learn to straighten up my life... My mom had a very good development with her gambling issue, because she has finally straighten up her life.... I know for a fact that I was able to somehow encourage her to straighten up her life indirectly..... Now???? I have issues myself that I have to find a solution to fix everything I mess up......

I thought that everything was going the right direction for me, but I came to realized that I myself has failed to do so....... I was lost again in this world and I did not care if I would get myself in trouble again nor get anyone involve with my issues, because I was being dumb again with my life........

On October 31 2008, I met this young and beautiful girl and her name is Marinel.... I thought she was the girl that I was looking for in my life, because she was beautiful, sweet, caring and has full of energy..... She made me feel young and she kept my hopes up to live longer.... In short Marinel became my inspiration...... I was so happy with her and I thought I was going to live happy with her for the rest of my life....... We did everything together all the time and she was always by my side with whatever I do even if it was against the law... She was very supportive with everything I do in life and this is the first time that I met a girl who is very supportive........

Marinel showed me the love that I never had experience with my past relationship, because she showed me how much she cares for me and I return that favor back by giving her all the love that I can.... She would get furious whenever I am not around her and if she does not know where I am she gets mad and sensitive..... For me, I was glad for her to show me that kind of attitude, because If some one really loves and cares for you that person would be just like Marinel... Some people can deal with it some people can't deal with issues like with what Marinel and I had in our relationship..... Marinel and I had a love that I guess it was very unusual...... Not all relationship and not all couples has a regular relationship.... During the process of our relationship we had lots of love but we also had lots of crisis...... We argued a lot but we tend to work things out based on our strong relationship to hold on to each other....

I never gave up on Marinel even when she gets tempered all the time, because I really love her with all my heart.... This is the first time that I really I loved someone even if Marinel has an attitude that no one can deal with... I am the only person who will love Marinel for who she is and no matter what she had in the past with her life.... When I was with Marinel, I was in love and I did not care If I just focus my entire life on her all the time...... I mean, "I REALLY LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART"......... She hurt me so many times and made me her slave and I did not care if someone tells me not to allow Marinel to do whatever she was doing to me.... She took control of my manhood and I did not care as long as she loves me, as long as she does not mess around with another guy, and as long as she will never live me behind.....