"UNWANTED CHILD"

What makes us want a mom? Is it that she has the ability to care for us when we fall down on the ground and caress us when we cry because we have a boo-boo? Those foods that she makes especially for us tasted just so right? Why do we thank our mom first when we accomplished something? Why do we always look for our mom?

For those children that experience great things with your mom, you all are very fortunate, because I did not experience anything great with my mom, because I was only an unwanted child ever since.

"REASON"

There comes a point in your life when you realize
who matters,
who never did,
who won't anymore................
and who always will.

So don't worry about people from your past,
there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

"TIME"

I am really sorry folks for taking me so long to post something on my blog. I am really having a difficult situation to manage my time right now, because I‘ve been spending my time on helping my friend Col. Cauyan with his Tsa de Napoleon. He doesn’t have a secretary yet, so I had been acting as his secretary for now. Hopefully by next month when everything is running smooth with his company, I will be able to continue to focus with my goal eventually, but for now I’m stuck with his company.

Every day I have to travel 1 ½ hour to his company in Manila and 1 ½ to travel back home by taking a trycicle, jeep and train everyday. It’s really hard to commute during rush hour because the train and jeep is always packed with people and I always have to squeeze myself in, because of my size I tend to take a lot of space especially when I take the jeep. I haven’t been using my car because the gas are expensive now a days..... That is why I had to sacrifice by commuting.

Anyway, eventually I will be able to survive my situation, and eventually I will be able to manage my time with my blog and my other website that I am trying to build. I hope that everyone who follows my blog will never get tired and I hope you all will continue to support my blog.

"U.S. Candidates"

"HENRY SY, sr."

“Not so many people can do it. You have the interest, but not the resources.

You may have the resources and the interest but not the guts.

You have to have guts to do this. You have to look long-term.

You have to be optimistic.”

Henry Sy, sr.
Chairman and Founder
SM Group of Companies

"SK"

The other day I just remembered the time when my daughter Nicole ran for SK Kagawad for the city of Muntinlupa last year. I was so impressed and proud of the turn out of our campaign, because our team won the election, and her SK Chairman and all of her Co-SK Kagawad was all elected office. We all worked so hard and we all made sure that nothing will go wrong with the election. Every time there is an election here in the Philippines, there is always some one who wants and does every thing they can to rig the election enable to win. Although our team was so beaten to death with defaming, curse, and almost physical confrontation we stood hard enough to fight for our rights and victory. People stole our tarpaulins for remembrance because our team was so popular and because our team looks so dammed good and solid.

I never had experience anything like that in my life and I will never forget those good energetic full of spirit feelings that our team and I had, because we received a lot of support from people and we were so welcome from all section that covers our designated area.

"JOKE TIME" (SMART FILIPINO)

Just see how smart the Filipinos are..........


A FILIPINO walks into a bank in New York City
and asks for the loan officer.

He tells the loan officer that he is going to the Philippines
on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank needs some form of security for the loan,
so the Filipino hands over the key and documents of new Ferrari
parked on the street in front of the bank.
He produces the title and everything checks out.
The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officer all enjoy a good laugh
at the Filipino for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank's underground garage
and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Filipino returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest,
which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are little puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi millionaire.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow "$5,000"?

The Filipino replies:
"Where else in new York city can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41
and expect to be there when I return?"
Ah, the mind of the FILIPINO...

"ARCHIE UY"

This is my cousin Archie performing on his birthday at Tamamangs....

"MELANIE & KATS"

"FREESTYLE"

Nikki and Rommel of Freestyle.

"JAY,TONI & KATS"

Husband and wife, Toni & Jay friends of Kats.

"ARCHIE'S BIRTHDAY"

Last Aug 28th, my cousin Archie celebrated his Birthday at Tamamangs on Tuazon ave. Marikina City with the company of Nikki and Rommel of Freestyle, Melanie and Ed the owner of Tamamangs , Kats (Archie’s girlfriend and an executive from Emerson), Toni and Jay ( Kat’s friends) , Jel & Etch (Archie’s college friends), and of course me. Archie’s main talent and business deals with computer graphic design (video, print and new media), but Tamamangs is where Archie performs his other talent every Thursday night and Archie usually plays oldies but goodies. In 1998 Archie built his company called Dreamscape and Dreamscape was the pioneer in computer graphics design here in the Philippines and one of the best of the best in the business.

The owner of Tamamangs which are friends of Archie will be opening another bar called Guerrilla Radio located at Shaw blvd. Mandaluyong City, and during the opening night of Guerrilla Radio they will have a special guest band to perform, but there is no tentative date yet for the opening, because the bar is still under construction.

"MARIVELES BATAAN"

WUZ UP PEEPS!!!! I am currently here at Mariveles Bataan to view the site for my next project for Tsa De Napoleon, that's why I haven't posted anything on my blog lately. Anyway, I had a chance to relax for a while being here in Mariveles with Col. Cauyan and his family. His house is situated on top of the mountain facing the ocean and Col. Cauyan took me side seeing at the town of Mariveles, and the historic Mt. Samat which is the landmark hill that the Japanese took from the Americans during the war. Col. Cauyan also took me to the Cockpit Arena to watch a cock fight, which I had fun because most of the rooster that he picked to win had won. I haven't had a chance to relax since my brother died and this trip was good and facinating for me. The house that you see posted here is Col. Cauyan's house and the view that I had posted here are the view standing from Col. Cauyan's house.

"TSA DE NAPOLEON"

The other day I bump in to one of my old friend, and his name is Col. Napoleon Cauyan, and I was surprised that he has invented a medicine tea for diabetics. This tea that he invented took 7 years in the making and it has been proven to be very effective to several clients.

Col. Cauyan was the former head of Task Force Limbas here in the Philippines and he is currently in training for the PNP for a special task. Col. Cauyan has already launched his Tsa de Napoleon in the market and will soon become an icon because Tsa de Napoleon has showed to several clients that Col. Cauyan’s Tsa de Napoleon has in fact decreased the blood sugar level of diabetics who tried Tsa de Napoleon.

"PHILIPPINE STAR"

The Philippine Star
Wonder tea for diabetics


More and more diabetics have vouched for the efficacy of a “wonder tea” that promptly lowers the blood sugar level in minute’s right after drinking the herbal beverage.

Tsa de Napoleon has no approved therapeutic claims and is made from dried whole herbal plants. It is manufactured by Sto Nino Botanical Center in Marikina city and has been approved by the BFAD, announced its inventor police superintendent Napoleon Cauyan.

The beverage, sold at a retail price of P2, 500 per box of 30 tea bags, is reportedly much cheaper than the P500 daily medicine maintenance allowance of diabetics. Tsa de Napoleon users have to drink the beverage at least once a day to maintain its efficacy. The tea bag can be used twice with the same effectiveness.
Users of the tea, mostly diabetic policemen and their families, said their blood sugar level considerably goes down only minutes after taking the tea.

Coast Guard Commander Felipe Macababad said his blood sugar level is now 87, from a high of 254, since using the Tsa de Napoleon a year ago.

Superintendent Jerome Jalbuena, who is already dependant on insulin for his diabetes, said his blood sugar level is now 150 after drinking the tea. His take of the insulin also decreased from four vials a day to just only two.

“The tea is really effective in lowering the blood sugar content of my body. I now depend on Tsa de Napoleon for my daily maintenance of lowering my sugar,” said Superintendent David Martinez, who has been diagnosed with diabetes since 1996.

The efficacy of the wonder tea is so proven that the manufacturer guarantees money back of the buyers if their sugar does not go down in one or two hours.

"STATUE"

I’m surprise that my moms relatives (B clan from the P) talks to me but won’t give me any good feedback about my mom’s progress. They don’t realize that they should be willing to give me good information about my mom’s situation so I could post my mom’s progress for people to be impressed on her. There is no need for loyalty on both side, because they should realized that it is best not to hide the truth and they should stop being so ignorant and stubborn. They should help to improve the situation instead of making the situation go down spiral. I am trying my best to hold the flag still but they are so weak and ignorant to help raise the flag. I know for a fact that they have loyalty on my mom, but wake up and start doing what is best for my mom and stop being like a statue for once!!!!!

"DREAMS"

Hey peeps!!!!! Sorry I had been busy lately, because my godson just died from a car accident and I had been looking for projects so I could make a little money enable to survive. Anyway, my life has been improving little by little lately, and I am very thankful to my cousin Arch and to my friends. I’m still hoping for more good progress for my mom and me, which hopefully by November 12Th a lot of things will be a lot better.

I am working on my life to build a better future and my dreams of having a successful business which my family will be proud, and I am hoping that I will succeed. I will also be creating my two other website which I will post my opening soon. One will be dealing with cars and the other will be dealing with people who want to be successful of becoming an actress, singer or a business person. My motto “BUILD YOUR DREAMS AT DREAMCATCHER”…………….

"NICOLE & DANICA"

These are my daughter Nicole and Danica........

"ROBERT SAMSON"

This article is about my friend business man Robert Samson from California U.S.A. when he introduced the latest technology on non lethal weapon to PNP Chief Gen. Avelino Razon Jr., that can be used for riots or any threat to society. Robert is the son of the late ex-mayor Marcial F. Samson of Caloocan city and he is the only exclusive distributor of this non-lethal weapon that is the future of law enforcement here in the Philippines. Robert is also a well known business man and a respectful person that has a 100% good feedback from past associates.

"GENERATION"

Today’s generation are often criticized by the people who had been living in the old generation. We should all accept that time has change so much from the old generation. If a person chose how to live their life they should be respected and left alone, as long as the person’s life will not affect any one and as long as it’s not destructive. We all have our rights and freedom of choice to express and to enjoy enable to live happily and at peace.

Therefore, I don’t need to be encourage to live old fashion way, because I had already change my life around for good since the first time I stood on this (Philippines) ground after 8 years, which I am doing my best for 6 years now to continue to head the right direction. There is nothing wrong to be old fashion but if a person chose modern life it should be respected no matter what, the same as we respect people who chose to live old fashion.

"PROBLEM"

GRANDMA STORY




I went to my doctor the other day because I’m having a problem. The doc asked: are you taking your shit regularly? I said: yes every 7 am. The doc said: then you’re normal. What seems to be the problem? I said: I usually wake up around 8 am!!!

"ARCHIE"

I owe my life to my cousin Archie because he was the first person to put me on check to make sure to turn my life heading the right direction since after the day I got kicked out of my mom’s house. The Herrera clan had also been so supportive on me, which I am very thankful to them as well.

Archie never gave up on me; he was always making sure I’m okay and because of him I had removed the thoughts of ending my life, by teaching me where to put my brain in focus. I was so depressed before which I needed a medication to relax but he gave me a puzzle instead for me to solve. The person who was the founder of Blog website is so smart, because who would of thought of creating a website for people to post their thoughts, feelings and point of views? Blog is so effective because it makes people reach out to each other and makes people realize what they had done wrong or missing in life and blog gave that opportunity to people and to become a self publisher.

I came to a conclusion that for me my cousin Archie and the founder of Blog has the same ideas in life.

"TAXI DRIVER"

"PERCEIVED"

People perceived wrong that I do not love my mom and stepfather or my nephew (my brother’s son), just because I am trying to change things for them, and they also perceived that I am doing things illegally. Before I created my Blog, my mom always thought that I was dumb and doesn’t know anything or I am not capable of doing anything legally. I admit that I was stupid in my past but I had learned my lesson, and I know my rights, because I would not create my blog if it was illegal to do so and keep in mind people that Blog or any website is not illegal or a syndicate operation. Therefore, before any one makes a comment or perception about any website or my blog I suggest do some homework first regarding the rules and regulation about website, and stop being so dumb. I stayed quiet and calm for so many years about my mom’s problem, because my brother was around to keep her in check all the time. They can not see that I am only trying to do what is right for them (mom and stepfather) before it’s too late, because based from my observation that if we keep on slacking regarding my mom’s wrong direction (past and present) my mom will destroy everything that they had built for so many years.

People should not say to just leave them (mom and stepfather) alone and run its course because I know my mom will ruin everything if we leave her alone, especially now that my brother is gone and there is nobody to guide her with her path, which she has been doing a lot of wrong decisions in the past and presently and there were a lot of things that went to waste that a normal person would not do. I know that if you were my mom’s child and your not dumb you will not accept every wrong decision that she has been doing, which my brother always argues with her and tried to make her change all the time for her wrong decisions when he was alive.

That is why, people should not perceive me wrong for what I am trying to accomplish for my mom or under estimate my capacity. Even if people will keep on telling me to just leave my mom alone or criticize me, I will not give up on her, because I want to see her turn her life around to be beautiful and proudly, and because I want to post her good progress on my blog.

"MANNY PAQUIAO AND JINKY"

GRANDMA STORY






I bump in to Manny Pacquiao's wife Jinky, and Jinky was so happy because she and Manny is planning to have another baby, and Jinky had ask Manny what name should they name their baby. Manny said: let’s combine our name and name our baby “MANKY”…

I told Jinky that I am so happy for Manny and her, and I can’t wait to say when I see their baby, OH!!!! HERE'S MY LITTLE MANKY!!!!! COME HERE MANKY!!!!
JUMP MANKY!!!! I HAVE A BANANA PUDDING FOR YOU MY BABY MANKY!!!!

"STEPFATHER"

I am thankful for my stepfather because he has always been there through thick and thin for my mom since my dad left her, which is why I really respect my stepfather for all the things that he has given my mom and for standing by her side ever since. My stepfather showed me for so many years that he really loved my mom up to now, and he is still willing to be there for her even though that my brother is gone. I wish that my mom will wake up and really show him respect for all the effort that he has given her with their life, because I hate to see them apart and I just wish that they will finally work everything out together (instead of only one making all the effort) for the rest of their life.

"MR. BEAN"

"CHANCE"

I don’t know how come my mom refuses to get closer to me, since this is our time and chance to do so. Now that my brother is gone, she is supposed to be glad that I am here now compared to when I was still living in California. I guess it’s true that she never forgave my dad for giving her away to my stepfather, because one of my aunt told me that my mom see’s my dad’s reflection in me, which is the reason for her not to accept me as her son. Even though I had nothing to do with my dad’s mistake, I am supposed to be love by my mom, like the way I am willing to open my door to my son that I had not seen since he was only five years old because I am proud of him and I love him just for being my son.

I owe a lot to my children because of who I am and because of the life that I had chosen, In which I hope that they will give a chance to pay them back for all the mistakes that I had made in the past. That is why I do not and will not close my door on any of my children (or for any one) and I am willing to accept them no matter who they are or what they will become in their life, but I just hope and I am waiting that they will have the same love for me, the same love that I have for my mom, no matter who my mom is with her life or reputation. That’s the kind of love that I am expecting from my children, and I hope that my children will give me a chance to love them back.

"103.5 MAX FM"

This is when Nicole and some of the other contestant for Miss Teen Earth Philippines 2008 was interviewed at 103.5 MAX FM to announce the Talent Show competition.

"FIRST NIGHT EXPERIENCE"

GRANDMA STORY:




Once upon a time in Xiamen, China , there lived a happy couple, Mr. & Mrs. Chan with their 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella. The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins.

Years passed, and it was time to get them married. So, the parents found them the most suitable "leng chais" (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon.



As 'concerned' parents, Mr.& Mrs. Chan were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So,before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs.Chan told them, "Your father & I want to know about your 1st night encounters. And whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity... you all must use a code to describe your experiences" .

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs.Chan got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word STANDARD CHARTERED.




They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. "Ah! Here it is!!!!" exclaimed Mr.Chan. The motto for Standard Chartered was...."BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY."

Mr & Mrs.Chan were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. "NESCAFE". So again
they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. "Ah! here it is..... 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP.' Mr. and Mrs Chan jumped for joy.



Another week passed. A month passed. 2 months passed.There was still no letter from Ella. The Chans became worried. Finally, the letter came.

It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Chan managed to figure it out. The code was "PHILIPPINE AIRLINES".



Mr. Chan, confused on why she chose Philippine Airlines, rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper.

He flipped the pages frantically. ......



"Ah! Here it is!!!"
Mrs.Chan grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish .... THUMP!!!...

she fell off her chair...



The Airline's motto was........





"7 TIMES A WEEK. 4 TO 6 TIMES A DAY. NON-STOP."

"NICOLE"

This is my daughter Nicole when she sang Reflection as her talent for the Miss Teen Earth Philippines 2008 Talent Competition. I apologize for the quality of the video because it was only taken by my wife's relative.

"CHANGE"

I BELIEVE IT IS HARD TO MAKE A PERSON CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE, BUT I KNOW FOR SURE THAT EVEN IF A PERSON DOES NOT CHANGE THEIR ATTITUDE, HE/SHE COULD CHANGE HIS/HER WAYS. I know that from my experience, because I had learned and change my ways since I came back here in the Philippines. I had also accepted the culture here in the Philippines and made sure I would not do whatever I did in my past when I was living in the United States. Therefore, keep in mind that “WE CAN NOT CONTROL A PERSON’S ATTITUDE TO CHANGE, BUT WE CAN CONTROL A PERSON WITH HIS/HER WAYS TO CHANGE FOR THEIR FUTURE” and that makes them a change person. “Believe it or not” it does work.

"HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS"

GRANDMA STORY :

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a, 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.




I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put in on my bumper.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that LOTS of people love Jesus. Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and when he leaned out of his window and screamed, "for the love of God, GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus.

Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love.. There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach...

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. When I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back.

My grandson burst out laughing, why even he was enjoying this religious experience.

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.


I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.

So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Share Grandma's letter with your friends!

"ROLLER COASTER"

My life has always been a roller coaster and I am already tired of being in an amusement park, because I had suffered enough already that I can not accept it any longer. I cried and I made people cry for my mistakes, and I regret my life because I had hurt a lot of people’s feelings and took advantage of their heart just to make myself content. I am still teaching myself currently and I really want to succeed with my goal not for me, but for my family.

That is why I also wanted to get closer to my mom to make her change her “WAYS NOT HER ATTITUDE” (knowing the fact that it is hard to change her attitude) because I know how important life is to be with your family based from my experienced and I don’t want her to be riding in a roller coaster because enough is enough. That is the reason why I am afraid for my mom because if she doesn’t shape up and keeps continuing to ruin her life she will end up just like my dad and I, and because of my brother’s death I know for sure that she doesn’t have a solid foundation to secure her future any more if she keeps on heading downward spiral with her ways which she has been doing since way “BEFORE MY BROTHER’S DEATH”.

"FLASHBACK" (continuation part 5)

After our tragedy in Los Angeles, we went back to the Philippines to lay low and because I had shipped two of my cars to sell in the Philippines, but I got ripped off by my business associate broker, by stealing my other car and I never heard from him again or recovered my car, because he fled back to California. Eventually I tried the life here in the Philippines for two years, but I was not able to adopt with my situation because I did not like the life here in the Philippines back then, and because I grew up from California I was having a problem with the culture here in the Philippines. Then I decided to go back to California with my daughter and wife who were pregnant with my other daughter, because our life was not going anywhere but downward spiral and we wanted our daughter to be born in the United States to become American citizen, and because I was never close with my mom anyway. We lived a simple life in San Jose California and I was working as a blue collar job at Silicon Valley, and our life was normal and relaxed until my wife unfortunately had a problem with her status. Then I began to goof around again to find a way to make a lot of money to prepare for our new life in the Philippines once more, because I did not want to be separated from my family and because life here in the Philippines is hard financially if a person does not have a career or experienced working in the Philippines. Yes, I was making a lot of money by goofing around and I had bought a lot of things for our new life we were preparing for the Philippines, unfortunately I mess up by mistake and eventually lost everything that I had, and I was so devastated and I did not know what to do any more except face the facts and just learn from my mistakes. I had suffered a lot but I had no choice but to make myself a better person and to just catch up on things eventually. I was so depressed and never forgave myself because of the life that I had chosen, and I had hurt my wife’s feelings and reputation because she was so embarrass of who I am. That is why I made myself change my ways for good for the sake of my family, because of all the mistakes that I had made in the past.

After a few years living with my daughters mom our relationship fade away. We did nothing but argue all the time. I was always being put down by Edith with everything I want to accomplish in life. I would always have a hard time trying to convinced her to give me some money for business, and our relationship turned sorrow and I had enough of our arguing and being put down all the time and I had no choice but to leave her and my two daughters to find myself......

I continued my journey to find my new life, and I struggled but never gave up. My mom turned her back on me and my daughter's mom moved on with her own life with her big unselfish pride...... Since my daughter's mom treated me like a piece of shit I eventually lost my love and respect for her. I eventually moved on with my new life.......

"FLASHBACK" (continuation part 4)

I was living the crazy life that I never thought it would end, and I was spending my money left and right crazy just for pleasure, but not for drugs, gambling or women, because I never tried or used drugs up to this day. Yes, some of my friends used drugs but I never used, because I was only into the money. I was spending my money on foods, cars, shopping and living crazy, and that is why I had a house, Benz 300sd, Nissan Z, Porsche 914, Bmw M3 and a “Toyota MR2” which I had a lot of experience with since Eleanor. I even bought this expensive mountain bike which cost me $2,000.00 just for the bike not including the bike rack for my car, house and other gear that a biker needs. Every time I go out I never go anywhere without my friends and we would always hang around at the beach or at the malls. I love the beaches in California, because when you are there its crazy, fun and relaxing. Why? Because, the beaches in California are very beautiful and you would see a lot of beautiful women wearing hardly bikinis that bares their whole body that you can imagine that they are not even wearing anything at all, and it’s really just fun being there. We rode our bikes on the trails from Venice beach to Redondo Beach for miles and when we reach Redondo we would just relax for awhile and eat lobsters and other seafood of our choice, then after that we would ride our bikes again to head back to Venice beach where we park our cars, then after that we would either hang around at the mall or at my house eating and playing video games with my friends.

I was married in love with this innocent nice girl, and we have a beautiful daughter which I had a problem baby sitting myself because I was young and stupid to know how to baby sit. Unfortunately because I was still goofing around instead of just making sure to live a simple life with my family, I still did my ways wrong and eventually end up costing my house and my life that I had built for nothing in Los Angeles. Even though I mess up, my wife stood by me no matter what I am or whatever happened to our life in Los Angeles. When I met my wife, I stop being a player and I was not getting involve with any other girl or getting any other girl pregnant because I was really in love with her and even if I see lots of beautiful women at the beaches or anywhere I go, I would just look and have fun dreaming awake. I guess once a person is settled and found true love the person tends to be content. Yes, I stopped being player because I was happy and content with my wife. Whenever I go to the beach or the clubs I always take my wife to make sure that she knows that I was not messing around, and because I was proud to have her as my wife. When I met my wife she was beautiful, innocent, humble, quite, old fashion and she would just go along with whatever I want just to satisfy me, and she never minded my business with whatever I was doing on making money. My wife lived in San Jose California before we got married which was 6 hours drive from Los Angeles and I would drive to San Jose just to court her every week end. I loved my wife so much that I could not stand not seeing her or not hearing her voice on the phone, so eventually I just had to force her to elope with me, and so she did.

(to be continue)

"GAME"

"FLASHBACK" (continuation part 3)

Then, I moved on with my life living as a Thug and I got separated with the other girl that I was living with. I was having fun and living the crazy life that an average normal person would not do, and I did a lot of things that a thug would do to survive, and because I chose to be there, instead of going to school properly and finish college to have a career and to have a regular simple life. Living as a thug I had stayed away from my first born son because his mom stayed away from me because she never forgave me for abandoning them. Fortunately, I met a girl in Los Angeles, and I never thought that I would fell in love again like the way I fell in love with Eleanor, and I didn’t waste any time with this girl that I just met and fell in love with within a month of relationship. I was so in love with her I married her twice, once in Mexico and the second was a large wedding which I cried during the ceremony for being happy, and which our wedding took place at “YAMASHIRO” on top of Hollywood city. Yamashiro was a Japanese palace before the Japanese war and later became a restaurant that has a beautiful garden that is usually used for special occasions like weddings or birthday party. That was so expensive I had only limited my guess to a hundred people, but because of my gang (Diablo) I had no choice but to extend my limit because our gang was already 1 hundred members not including family members and other friends.

(to be continue)

" FLASHBACK "(continuation part 2)

Eventually I worked with my dad instead because I had no degree and that was my only option instead of working for fast-food restaurants or at the mall. I had fun working with my dad anyway, which I never regret because he thought me how to become a good salesman, and because of my dad’s teaching I was able to become a salesman of the month, until I got hook up with the dealership owner’s daughter that I was working for. I started goofing around again and my mind was only concentrating on her all the time, and her name was Eleanor and YUP!!!! I fell in love with her, because she was beautiful, sweet, and very nice and we had fun together all the time. I was so in love with her I thought I was going to end up marrying Eleanor, but her mom was so strict and never like me because of who I am and I had other girlfriends beside Eleanor. Although I had other girlfriends, I was only in love with Eleanor and she knows that herself. I showed her how much I was deeply in love with her, but because I was a player I mess up eventually. Yes, I mess up because I was goofing around and I met someone else and end up living in with this other girl that I got pregnant. Although, I was living in with this other girl, Eleanor never gave up on me and I was also still in love with her and we would see each other a lot which I got lazy selling cars. I was so stupid that I did not know what to do because I was so confuse and one day her mom talked to me and I thought she was only going to lecture me and to tell me to stay away from her daughter. When her mom talked to me, she only asked me to make a choice between her daughter and the other girl that I was living with. Like I said I was stupid at that time to make any choice and so I chose not to pick her daughter.

After that, I never heard from Eleanor again which my heart was so ripped and I continued to goof around, and that’s the time I got involve with a gang called “DIABLO”, a well known bunch of matured gang members in Los Angeles which is an allies of Satanas Gang. I was the first youngest member to be accepted by the gang, because usually they would only want an older member. I got lazy being a salesman and I started to like the life that I had became back then, and after a year later I found out that Eleanor was sent to another country after the choice that I had made between Eleanor and the other girl. I was told that Eleanor had an abortion because their family did not want to keep the baby because it was mine and because of the situation. Her mom made the right decision to keep her daughter away from me, but they were wrong to have my baby aborted. I was stupid back then, but I would have picked her daughter if I knew she was pregnant. I really loved Eleanor and I was willing to marry her if I was only given a chance and if I was not deprived from knowing the truth.

(to be continue)

" FLASHBACK "

Hello every one!!! Right now it is 2 a.m. Phil time and I can’t go to sleep. I get so lonely because it’s frustrating to live alone and when I get frustrated I get flashbacks. Like right now, I am remembering the time when I was back in high school and I was popular back then because I was only 15 yrs old and I had a Porsche 924. Usually, a teenager would only have a regular car like a Toyota Corrola or a regular American car, but since my dad was working for a car dealership and because he was a manager, he could easily get any car he wants. The dealership he used to work for sells all makes and models, meaning the dealership carry all American, Japanese and European cars.

Yup! I was popular back then and I had friends especially girls. I was a player back then and they love to call me all the time and we would go everywhere even during school days and we would ditch school. Has any one remember the movie Ferris Bhuiller’s Day off? I get flashback whenever I remember that movie because his life was similar to mine except mine was better because I was driving a Porsche and I had my dad’s credit card to buy whatever I need. I would even take my girl friends shopping and we would eat Chinese food all the time, because Chinese food was our favorite, and back then when you take your friends to Chinese restaurant you are popular.

Yup! I ditched school all the time, that’s why my grades were so low and I could hardly pass. I was wrong and I had regrets because I wasted my time goofing around instead of getting my head straight. I always wish that I could do everything over so I could have a career working for a big company and I would have a good simple life, but instead I mess up my life and I went the wrong direction.

(to be continue)

"GOSPEL"

"ANOTHER EMAIL FROM MY AUNTIE MARILOU"

Hi Danny,

I read your blog today and I was impressed! I’m so happy that you are working hard to improve your situation. You’re doing the right thing! You should prove to everyone that you can improve your situation. Everyone stumbles or falls down but the good thing is you can still get up and keep on trying! Just think that what’s happening with you right now is just a challenge and you are capable of winning! I know your Dad was a very good car salesman and I believe that you are too if you just keep your mind into it.

About your problem with your Mom about not loving you like Ryan, it happens to the best of us. There will always be a favorite child and the one that is not the favorite should strive more to be loved and noticed. It’s like working at a company. You should show your employer your accomplishments and then you’ll get recognized and even get a raise. Even if you don’t get a lot of monetary rewards right now, just the thought that you showed everyone that you tried is good enough for me. “No pain, no gain”! You’ll see- all your hard work will be eventually rewarded.

Whatever anybody says, I’m still proud of you because at least you’re trying!

Always praying for you
Tita Marilou

" EMAIL FROM MY AUNTIE LYDIA "

Hi Danny,
How are you right now? It is only now that I have opened your blog coz I am not that literate in computers. I still ask assistance how to use other access on what to click or type. As I have told Tita Marilou and Tita Grace I only use the computer for emails and checking bal. on ATM for transactions in bank. Now that I have opened your blog coz Tita Marilou emailed me and was asking me if I had seen your blog regarding your advertising yourself as a car salesman and saw the picture of the house you are selling. I gladly replied her email that I am happy for you coz you are fixing your goal regarding reviving your late dad's dealership. I am aware what you are going thru right now.I am sure that wounds that was inflicted in each one of you are getting deeper and deeper.As time passes it will be a great test for you by living alone without a family beside you. Keep on looking on the bright side. Make pain bring you greater strength and make you believe that you can achieve. If your family closes the door on you Im sure God will open a window. I strongly believe on you that you can create your future destiny. Your strong determination to achieve will conquer all your pains in life. I strongly pray that God will keep on watching you and guide your path for a better life. Pag minsan pasyal ka dito sa Angeles sabi ni Tito Norman mostly kapag weakdays kami lang dalawa. You can spend the night siguro kapag pumunta ka dito for a change of environment once in a while. We love and care for you!

Tita Lydia



"MY RESPONSE"

Hello Tita, you and tita Marilou made me cry because you are showing me how important I am as your family. I really appreciate everything and I will make sure that whatever I do will not be only for me, but for every one’s interest. I will take a rain check on your invitation for now because I do have other things that I have to do first before pleasure. Again, thank you Tito Norman and you for your warm loving sympathy.

LOVE,
DANNYBOY

" EMAIL FROM MY AUNTIE MARILOU "

To the Herreras:

I heard all sides, Edith, Aida, Nene (Aida's cousin who lives here in the US), Nathan and the consensus is: Danny already expressed his concern about his Mom's gambling but she would not change her ways. He should let it run its course and maybe someday she'll stop gambling. I believe that we all did our part; we have expressed all our opinions. Let's just try to help Danny to the best of our ability. He needs guidance because he grew up with no proper parent supervision. I know all of us care about him. He is our nephew.

I have a special request to all the aunts and uncles in the P.I., since you can communicate with him in person please continue giving him advice. Be patient and give him the moral support he is asking for and at the same time point out things that he's doing wrong. I would appreciate if you keep me posted on the progress.

I cannot say that I'm a perfect parent. I've had my flaws. Living here in the U.S., we're always busy working. I was so engrossed with my career and working to support my kids by myself. I have neglected communicating with my kids on a regular basis. I'm just lucky that they turned out good and motivated. This is also therapy for me and made me realize the importance of being a good parent. I hope we all learned from this, I know I did and Danny's problem might be a blessing in disguise for us: to make the Herrera Clan bond and work together to hopefully turn Danny's life around for the better. Like what Nathan said on his last email, the Herreras are stubborn and that includes our family. But I know the Herreras care about each other and we will try to be there for any family member in need.

Love you all!

Marilou

"APOLOGY"

First of all, I would like to make things clear regarding my post "IGNORAT AND HYPOCRITAL"; if you will read my statement very closely I am only referring to few people. Therefore, if I was misunderstood by any one, I apologize for the mis-understanding, but I hope if any one has not done anything wrong to me you should not react or feel guilty to whatever I post on my blog. If any one does not like my blog, do not read or care about my blog. If you care about my mother then you should do what is right to convince her to change her ways. Stop using my brother's death for her destructive ways with her life presently, because she has been like that way before my brother's death, and we all know, enough is enough. I would also like to apologize for removing the recorded conversation, due to a family member's request.

Again, please do not react or feel guilty to whatever I post on my blog, but only react If you are willing to help my mom and me, to solve the problem and to learn to communicate, to make our family (Herrera clan and Benavides clan) and relationship closer and stronger away from destructive.

"DREAMCATCHER GRAPHICS DESIGN"

Hello Peeps!!!!!!!!! This is what I do for a living and I do sell new and used cars on the side and someday I will build my own car dealership. For now I do have connection's with friends who has their own dealership and I could also hook you up with any brand. You can call me whenever you like to get more information to whatever I could help you with your needs... So folks!!!!! Please try my deal!!!!! See Ya!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Danny Herrera
Cell; #09162625060 or 09204136069

"PUPPET"

It has been 36th days now since I got kicked out of my mom’s house and since I had spoken to her. My mom really doesn’t care about my situation or what ever happens to me. When my brother was alive she always worries about him and she would not allow my brother to live uncomfortable. She would always worry about what to feed my brother or how his conditions were all the time. She could not even last 1 week of not speaking to my brother whenever they had an argument. For me, it’s a whole different world and I had to live with it ever since, just because I was never raised by her and because she never forgave my dad, It’s like I’m only a piece of garbage to her.

Every time she had a problem with my brother, sister in law or my stepfather, she would always call me so she could release her feelings, and I would only listen and comfort her all the time, because I was never allowed to suggest anything to her. She could not see that I was always there to listen during her stressful days, because I am only her puppet. She can’t even see and accept my concern for her now, and I had been patient for so many years. Yet, no matter what she does to me I still love her and I am not willing to give up on her. She is my mother, but I am also her son who doesn’t deserve what I went through with her.

Eventually, I know for a fact that this situation will all end, but I just hope that things will change for our best interest. I just don’t know when that will happen, but I will be strong and not give up no matter what people say that I handled my situation wrong or even my reputation is tarnish or I had rebuke some people, as long as I made my mom change her ways and save my mom from destroying her life.

"STATEMENT"

People think that I was wrong to start my blog, but I know for a fact that my blog is being effective. My blog has reached people that I know and people who are strangers to me, who gave me good advices that will benefit my mom and me. I am surprised that there are people who are really concern for my mom and I to work things out, and I really appreciate their concern. I may not admit to you all “FOR NOW” that I am wrong to post my blog, but I know that my blog is making a change. Some of us are very conservative and some of us are very modern, but there are situations in our life that we don’t have to be either one just to deal with a situation that will benefit not only me, but all of us.

I am not trying to destroy my relationship with any member of our family neither burn bridges with any one and my door will always remain open for any one, but I am not expecting for every one to take my side, because I know some people may disagree with the way I handled my situation with my mom, but don’t deprive me from my right to do what I decided on how to straighten up my mom’s head, because nobody had experience my situation with my mom, and some people had not experienced owing a lot of money in the Philippines that a person could be sent to jail or get hurt, If a person can not pay off a debt from a person.

I had opened my mom’s closet to reveal her skeleton pertaining to gambling, my relationship with my mom and financial debts, but I had not revealed her other skeletons which are worst than what I had revealed. I admit that I do have skeletons myself which I am not ashamed to take it out off my closet, but I will not do so, for my family’s sake and there is no need because I had already straighten up my head and I had paid my debts.I am only trying to make her change for herself and for the people she is affecting with her ways. That is why I will not allow my mom to take the driver seat any longer, because she has been going the wrong path for “MANY YEARS” and because enough is enough.

My recorded conversation that I had posted on my blog was originally recorded for good intention’s, and I had not violated our privacy because it was my own conversation with my mom and that conversation that I had recorded was not private because before I had posted my recording on my blog a lot of people knows already about our conversation because my mom had told numerous people already. No one has the right to say my conversation was/is private if I chose not to be private.

My way or your way, love or no love it doesn’t matter, and win or loose this debate I will not regret if nobody take’s my side, at least I know for sure that I had made a change.

"IGNORANT AND HYPOCRITAL"

I’m tired of people (B member) telling me not to worry about my mom and that they will take care of my mom when she gets old. Hello people!!! Wake up and smell the coffee!!!!How are you all going to pay for my mom’s medicine and hospital bills? Especially now that inflation is going up high, and they are having a hard time with their life and with their own mother and family already, they expect me to rely on them? They’re only saying that because they are being ignorant or they just don’t care if my mom destroys her life gambling as long as they get to rely on my mom financially for now. They are so ignorant about my point of view and they are so confident that they will be able to take care of my mom when she gets old. They just don’t care how much money my mom loses gambling, because they are so happy going with my mom at the casino because they get their own kickback every time they go. What a bunch of ignorant and I would love to see the time that they can’t take care of my mom, If they keep on letting my mom gamble and my mom can’t pay off her debts.

One of my aunt (B member) told me that they can’t stop my mom from going to casino and I should not bother stopping my mom, because my brother died recently and my mom is only trying to get her mind off my brother. How ignorant can she be, when she knows how hard life here in the Philippines, and which my mom already raised her youngest daughter? Her daughter is lucky than me because my mom raised her and put her in one of the good college here in the Philippines. Her daughter disrespects her because she grew up with my mom and I know her daughter would not take care of her when my aunt gets old. Because her daughter does not have the same love that I have for my mom, no matter what my mom’s personality or what my mom did to me.

Another aunt(B member) of mine told me to mind my own business and also told me to just let my mom gamble to get her mind off my brother. That’s another ignorant statement coming from a gambler herself. She is already having a hard time paying her bills and she has the nerve to make a statement like that? She even perceived that I’m trying to be my brother who died recently. HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!! I never dreamed of becoming like my brother or take his place and I am not interested with whatever my brother left behind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM ONLY CONCERN ABOUT MY MOM’S GAMBLING ADDICTION, UNCONTROLLABLE DEBTS FROM DIFFERENT PEOPLE, BECAUSE I AM ONLY CONCERN FOR MY MOM’S FUTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT A BUNCH OF IGNORANT AND HYPOCRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"JOKE TIME"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hello everyone!!!!!! I know some of you probably cried about my blog, so I had posted this joke to make some of you laugh.......................


This one is about a smart boy and his teacher...................



A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (age 28), was having trouble with one of her students. She asked, "Boy, what is your problem?" Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy by the hand to the principal's office. While Boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave. She agreed.

Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions. Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agree.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy, after a moment, "Legs."
Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy: "Coconut."
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.
Boy: "Bubblegum."
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Boy: "Shake hands."

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy: "Yep."

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy: "Tent."

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy: "Wedding Ring."

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy: "Nose."

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy: "Arrow."

Ms Neelam: What word starts with 'F' and ends 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Boy: "Firetruck."

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in a 'K' & if you don't get it you have to use your hand?
Boy: "Fork."

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of, it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy: "Surname."

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love?
Boy: "Heart."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to College... I got the last ten questions all wrong..................

" HINDI MAGBABAGO "

Dear Mommy,

I know I was wrong to yell at you and because I lost my temper the last time we spoke. You might not like my blog because of the contents that I had posted, but this is the only way that I might be able to communicate with you and maybe this way you will realize your mistakes. You know for a fact that you never agreed with me whenever I suggest anything to you, and you never realized that you always never believed in me especially when Ryan was alive. People always say it’s because I was never raised by you that’s why your world only revolved around Ryan. I was never jealous of Ryan nor got mad at him, because whatever problem that we both have between us does not involved Ryan. I really loved my brother Ryan and he knows that for a fact, because I am the only one who gave him happiness and freedom before he died. I wish that I was the one who died instead of him, because I have more suffering and pain that I had kept to myself. If God will only permit me to change places with him, I will never hesitate to do so, because I am willing to sacrifice my life for him and you.

You might not understand my points of view in life, because you had been always in denial. I had learned to accept my mistakes in the past which I am proud to accept my mistakes and you know that for a fact that I am a complete changed man. But why are you going the wrong direction now with your life? Remember when Ryan was doing something wrong and you always have to correct and discipline him? You were doing your job as a mom. How come the world is turned upside down now when it comes to your issues, which I am only trying to correct them for you? You are supposed to be happy that I am only concerned for your life, because I am your only child alive. You cannot rely on our relatives to take care of you because it is my duty to take care of you especially now that Ryan is gone.

I had been away from you for so many years and that I had experienced my childhood without you by my side. Now that it is time to spend the rest of your life with me, why do you not want me? You know for a fact that we both have a missing part in our life that is why we should stick together. The last time we spoke, I only want to compromise with you and to comfort you, but we both failed to communicate with each other the right way. I am still willing to compromise with you if you are willing to do so. Therefore, I hope that someday you will consider me as your own son and that you will really prove that you love me, the way I love you no matter what and who you are. My love for you ay “HINDI MAGBABAGO” and will never fade away no matter what........




YOUR LOVING SON,
DANNYBOY

P.S. Attached here is a music video that I created and I hope that you will listen to the words (by Randy Santiago) very closely.

CONVERSATION 3 0F 3 PARTS AND A MESSAGE FROM MY STEPFATHER

I apologized for removing the recorded conversation due to a family member's request,who I highly respect.



I really appreciate the people that really understand my point and I assure you all that I am not putting my mom down. I am only trying to help her shape-up, because I do have concern for her. I really love my mom and If I didn't, I would not bother finding a way to stop her from destroying her life. Some people might not agree with me by making a blog about her, but for me this is the best alternative way, because this way not only will my message reach her, It will also help people understand on how to be concern to a mother or anyone, and it might encourage people on how to help someone with their own personal problem with any bad habits they may have.

I had also posted my stepfather's short message telling me to stop my mom from gambling and her uncontrollable spending for you all to understand that I am not alone with my mission. My mom's problem has to stop from here, and keep in mind that I am not trying to dictate her, but I am merely trying to help her with her situation.


TOMORROW I WILL POST MY LETTER AND MY PERSONAL VIDEO FOR MY MOM.

CONVERSATION 2 OF 3 PARTS

I apologized for removing the recorded conversation, due to a family member's request, who I highly respect.

I hope that viewers of this blog will understand that I am merely trying to make a point and showing you all the facts of my blog, and this is not defamation for my mom. This is a therapy for her and myself and you will understand my point at the end. The truth shall set us all free and rehabilitated.

MY RESPONSE TO MY AUNTIE MARILOU

Dear Tita Marilou,

I really appreciate all the support that I’m getting from all of you (Herrera Clan). You are absolutely right about my mom finding something else to do instead of wasting her money and time gambling. The problem is, she has been gambling since 2005 and we all tried to stop her but she never listen to anybody. Especially this year before my brother died, she is getting worst and out of control. That’s why last June 30th my plan was to convince her to stop gambling and prepare for her future instead, but she refused. I like your Idea of getting involved with a good charity, and I was planning that for myself before this entire problem that I had to experience for now. It’s really hard for me to find a job here in the Philippines since I’m only a high school graduate and without any experience working here in the Philippines. That is why I wanted to convince my mom to opened up a business that I could be involve, but she is very selfish and she never had any belief in me ever since, so how can I solve my own personal problem in regards to finding work? That is a very complicated situation for me. Anyway, thank you very much again for your support since I was a kid. You had been like a mom to me all the time.


I LOVE YOU TOO,
DANNYBOY

"MY AUNTIE MARILOU's LETTER"

Dear Danny Boy,


It's too bad that Ate Aida has a gambling problem. She is the only one that can solve her problem before it's too late. My advice to her is to stay away from casinos and find other ways to spend her time. She should be more productive than destructive. I know that it is hard to find a job but at least she should try to look for a job or go into business to make money. Another way is to spend time with you, her grand kids, friends and relatives so she can get her mind off gambling. Even better, if she can, she should help the needy by volunteering in church or other charitable institutions.

I am crying while I'm writing this email because I remember that when I was about 7 -10 years old, I lived with your Dad and your Mom for a little while. I helped your Mom sell fresh fish at a palengke in Pandacan. I really enjoyed going to the palengke with her. Please tell your Mom that after all these years, I still think about the good times that we spent together!

I really feel your Mom's pain! I think that the worst thing that can happen to a mother is lose a child. But she should not turn to gambling as means of forgetting her tragedy!

I will pray for your Mom, you and all our relatives there in the Philippines. Every time I pray to God for help, I know that God listens! But in order for God to help us we also have to help ourselves.

I love you!

Tita Marilou

CONVERSATION 1 of 3 parts

I apologized for removing the recorded conversation, due to a family member's request, who I highly respect.


This conversation that my mom and I had on June 30th was recorded for the purpose of reminding her in the future to whatever agreement we shall have upon. Unfortunately, the conversation did not turn out the way supposed to be. Instead, she showed me again that whatever I do or suggest is not important to her, and has always been like that ever since. That day, I was hoping that she would compromise with me and I was hoping that my comfort will be important to her, since my brother died recently. All I wanted was to change herself and to prepare for her future, because she is getting out of control with her gambling and her constant borrowing a lot of money from different people just to support her gambling addiction. I got out of control yelling at her, because she would not listen or compromise with me. I know I was wrong to yell at her, but I could not help myself anymore, because I am trying so hard to get through her head to wake her up from reality. I’m like person trying so hard talking to a drug addict that’s getting out of control. That day, she really proved that she never really loved me at all, and that I am not important to her. Even though how hard she pushes me away from her, I will keep on chasing her and I will not give up until she straighten up her life, even If I shall not gain her love.

"LONELY"

I get really depressed in the middle of the night and sometimes I cry, because I feel so lonely living alone and because I’m in this situation. I have nobody to talk to or to comfort me at least so I can forget about my situation. It is so hard for me to believe that my mom could stand to forget about me and not love me at all. She could not see the good things I want to accomplish for her; instead she only cares for herself. She has lost me for years because my dad brought me to America, but now that I am back to be by her side, she has no interest in me or whatsoever. Sometimes I feel just ending my life to remove the pain in my heart, but I hesitate to do so, because I still have a mission. I always wonder how long I have to sacrifice, because when my brother was alive my mom loved him so much and she only focus on him. Her world only revolved on my brother, which all her relatives knows it and proud of It. I am not mad or jealous of my brother, because I loved him very much, but I deserved to be loved by my mom as well specially that I was gone for so long. I guess that I just have to take it one day at a time to be strong and not give up no matter what I have to go through my love for her will never change.

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

People probably think that I have a problem with people gambling. As long as the person knows how to control to do “ANYTHING”, I don’t have a problem with people gambling or to do whatever they like to enjoy. Everyone is entitled to a pursuit of happiness to do whatever they enjoy or for their career as long as the person is not taking their life down the drain or affecting the people who loved them.

"I WISH"

I wish that I was raised by my mom, and I wish that I had a regular mom who cares and loves me. Neither my dad was not a perfect father, because he was always never around. While growing up, I was raised by my grandmother and my auntie (dad's younger sister) which I'm very thankful and love them both so much. But, when my aunt got married she had to separate from us (dad and I) to start her own family, which my grandmother had to stay by her side to look after my cousins. That's when I turned to rebel and no one was around to look after me. I was always hanging around with my friends and I was going the wrong directions In my life. My past has always been a rollercoaster, and I don't want to be In that situation anymore. By helping my mom to be a better person, I'm also learning how to become one.

"BEING DEPRESSED"

This photo was taken while I was thinking and being depressed. I’m so pathetic, because I’m in this situation, trying to make a point to my mom. I sacrifice myself just to try to put my moms head straight. I’m only a son trying so hard to do what is best for a mom.

If I did not confronted my mom, I would have a home with a bed, 3 meals a day, a maid, and all the necessities I need, but instead, I chose to go the other way just to make a point to my mom. I don’t know what will happen and I don’t know how long that I would be in this situation, because my mom is very stubborn and has a pride. Even though my mom did not raise me and I was deprived of love, I would still do what is best for her as a son would do for his mom. I don’t know why after she showed me her less affection for me, I’m still chasing her around for unconditional love. I guess maybe because I grew up without a mom, that is why I’m still searching for the missing part in my life. “THE LOVE THAT A MOTHER COULD GIVE TO A CHILD” that I’m hoping.

"BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT"

I received an email from my aunt telling me to leave my mom alone and just let her realized herself her own mistakes. I said to my aunt, I’ve been there and done that twice with my dad, and I will not stand around and let her do that to her.

After my mom and dad got separated when I was 6yrs old, my dad work hard to build his own car dealership and we became rich by the time I was 9yrs old. We were living the good life back then and we had everything and my dad had famous friends. My dad never thought that he would have a down fall, because he was so confident that we will never go poor. Until, we started to lose everything, because he was a compulsive gambler, and we lost our house and my dad started to sell our possessions, until one day he had no choice but to sell our business. My dad owed money from banks and individual people, and he was devastated because we were going broke. So my dad decided to move to California USA to avoid being sued by the people he owed. So he worked hard as a car salesman until he became an area manager and my dad started to come up. One day my dad bought a big house and we were living the good life and he was so confident that we will never have a down fall again. Until one day, we lost our house and furniture’s because of his gambling habits once more. So we moved to another house that he rented, but that didn’t last long either. After a few months we had to move again, because he could not afford the rent anymore and he had no control over his gambling and he did not care about our future anymore. So he end up moving in with my aunt and grandmother and I decided to get married young just to start my own life away from my dad.

After my dad died and I had no luck in California anymore, I went back to the Philippines. I was then living the good life, but simple with my wife and daughters, and on the other hand my mom was doing well, living the good life almost similar to the life that my dad had before in the Philippines, because she’s a real estate agent and in construction business. I was glad the life that my mom has, but there was something wrong about my mom. My mom became a compulsive frustrated gambler since 2005. At first, I was doing nothing to stop her from gambling so she could enjoy her life, and because my younger brother was around to control her anyway. On Feb 5th, 2008, I got separated from my wife due to irreconcilable difference, so I moved in with my mom. It was then I realized and found out that my mom’s lifestyle was not right and she started to owed large amount of money from different people. I know that if she don’t wake up from reality and don’t stop gambling she will end up like my dad. On May 19th 2008, my younger brother died and my mom got even worst and still did not stop gambling and kept searching to borrow large amount of money from people just to support her gambling habits. We did not spoke to each other since my brother died, until one day on June 30, 2008; I had enough of her attitude. I spoke to her to try to change her life for her future and because enough was enough. I will not stand around again doing nothing about her attitude and gambling like with my dad when I was young and helpless.

I have learned a lot from my past and still teaching myself how to become a better person. Right now, my mom needs help that is why I’m doing my best to make her change to become a better person. By doing that, I’m also teaching and learning something for myself. I just hope that someday, we will both become a better person as one.